Life In All It’s Glory | Thoughts

Life is summoned within the years we live. Doing our bit to get on with the day. Limited time to live, achieve. Once my grandmother had said ‘’what is life if not a race against time’’ –everyone going wild to do their business, leave their footprint before the ultimate demise. The idea of death is petrifying regardless of what they tell you. The confusing, shattering, wonderful, painful, glorious, complex that is life –all in all a journey which all of us is now embarking in stages.

Birthday’s always been a ‘’activity’’ for me –counting the hours before its finally over. The reflection upon the year and the years lived till then –I start to question how much has been done in my life for it to be celebrated. Isn’t it just another year closer to death? The certainty that comes with life is death (they both come in package) –something inevitable. If you are reading me for a while, you must be aware of my acute bus rides. In one of the many ‘’currently very grim’’ rides as I sat next to couple of elderly ladies –I imagined myself at their age and how that would be like. The beauty, youth that our generation goes mad about: what happens when it all dissipates; do we lose our identity?

‘’Are you afraid of getting old’’ I stare blankly while thoughtfully going over the question. For a while, I didn’t know the answer –reminiscing over the ads of life insurance that shows up on tv, to pack all your belonging into boxes to send off to Oxfam, losing control over your body –and the constant waiting for the inevitable. The journey is important as equally for it to reach the end line. ‘’I guess not’’ I say with a sip of cold Starbucks espresso while humming to Pina Coladas for some Reason.

Now, as the sun bury itself in the horizon it’s dying glow washing over me and I think –life is so much more than that. The millennial side of world is oh-so-wonderful in its oblivion to forget the reality and indulge in the air brushed, filter-full, alternative perfect world scrolling through Instagram or feeding off twitter. It is always looking through social media that I feel things are missing from my life, the repetitiveness of comparison is boring at best of times yet so addictive glancing through the posts and pondering on ‘’if I was like that’’. It is beyond difficult to be a teenager/young adult in 2019 where everyone is striving to be ‘’better’’ not in a sense to be a better human being but to look ‘’the whole package’’. This is catch 22 because there is no whole package. All my early teenage years I wanted to be ‘’pretty’’ not smart, kind or thoughtful. If I only could go back and tell myself society’s constant need to put a label on a woman is incessant, don’t let them get to you. There are trillion other things you can strive to be than just being a doll to get the seal of approval (which is very rare, lets be honest) from other people.

In life there’s no end goal –you will continue in the process. Eager to go further but there’s no destination. Something that one might want at the age of 20 might not be the same at the age of 30. It keeps changing. Embrace it. It is about doing, re doing and doing it again. We will fail, succeed and fail some more –but all the while learning, laughing, loving and experiencing the raw nature of life. However, sometimes when I am sad or miserable, I think life is a constant waiting period for something new, brighter, bigger –never enough. Overall, a dull prospect of endurance. At times I wonder would I have ended up here if circumstances were different, upon many late nights and long hours reflecting I realised, regardless of the multiple changes if it were to occur –I cannot escape my feelings. It needs to be acknowledged and dealt with in its time. Like day and night, season after season as nothing ever overlaps, the same way there’s no way of burying the discomfort in hope for better circumstances.

Another time, when heart filled with hope, skin flattered in glorious sunlight –moments you want to capture and live in forever. The absolute joy at falling in love, grief at loss, explosive kiss, responsibilities of adulthood, transformation into another chapter –life in all its glory.

Time is tangible. The problems, agony, heartache –it will all go in its own accord. If you are going through the horrible phase and waking up in the morning feels like a task –remember, it will pass. I promise you; light will find its way and you will enjoy it –discover the inner peace. Like the wise words of Jordan Pitterson ‘’happiness is overrated…it is not the purpose of life, it’s a great side effect’’. Because, when we are not happy or a failure what happens then –happiness should not be the sole aim but all the other cotton candy of emotions that engulf us throughout this extraordinary journey. When happiness arrives, accept it gratefully and, without its presence there’s million other things that will do the job. As they say ‘’life happens when you are making other plans’’. The same way someone once said to me very bluntly ‘’happiness is not sustainable, stop chasing it’’ to that I was bewildered as how can you possibly live without the happiness that is talked about everywhere, over, and over again. In recent time, however, it is somewhat true –it comes and goes, without the happiness there’s other things that occupy life as well and when we can find those moments –one can truly be satisfied, in my humble opinion. Less chasing and more living, I suppose. On that note, take the smaller moments in life and hold it –it’s the offering of little things, kindness, that sometimes makes one feel truly alive.


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