Before I begin, I want to say a huge thank you to Olivia for her helpful post on writer’s block where I found this idea -if you are stuck for new ideas, make sure to check out her blog.
I have more books lying around my bookshelf than I have contacts on my phone. That pretty much sums up my life. Although I do have very few people I call my friends but in general it’s hard for me to connect to people in a deeper level. I like to keep myself to myself. I enjoy my own company. Having said that, I can make conversations with anyone anywhere -pretty sociable in that part but for the life of me, do not ask to continue this mini conversation into something more. Because I simply cannot. The amount of times I have lost touch with people for inability to open up. It’s funny because I come from a family of over sharers -my sister would tell you her deepest secret at the first meeting and you cannot get me to tell you anything about myself other than I like to read. What can I say, we are polar opposites and inseparable, to a point people generally asks us: do you ever spend time with anyone else?
My first love! I found reading at a time when I was completely broken. So many changes were happening in my life and I desperately needed something to escape from reality. Enter the beautiful, magnificent world of fiction. A short ride away into your fantasy world: looking for Alaska with Miles as he figures the brand new world of Culver Creek Boarding School; waking with Grace as she untangles the pieces of her life; Follow Alice as she desperately tries to hold onto her horrible secrets -so many worlds, waiting to be discovered within those pages. Those hours spend in the library tucked away from real life, behind the shelves -ready to be transported in another world.
That I have always been. Unconsciously from a young age – I relied on myself and when it became a nessesity it as easily done – thank god for all the training in my earlier days. Where people look for validation from others – I am my own judge and critic. Solitary life has been my chosen one – away from the buzz, a comfort show on telly, cup of tea with the dying light of the sun – I am at my most content. Around others I have this tendency to overthink everything – I worry about tribal things which sucks all the joy out of spending qualiy time with others. It’s something I am actively working on. I think it’s mostly comes from this insecurity that I have fed myself all through the early teen years – I am not enough, I can never be like them – in the process I have allowed myself to build walls around me. It’s a odd one, even if I tried to get close to people, I could never be truly myself because I have a thing where I am afraid to 100% commit to anything when I believe it would inevitably lead to disappointment.
I am one tough cookie – need a lot of staying in my pace, working that extra bit harder to peel all the layers. Although I must say I don’t expect everyone I meet to put all the effort in getting to know me – but I think among all the chitchat – you would know if someone is really willing to know you properly. Does that make sense – I don’t know, I might have just rambled a lot here.
I hope you have enjoyed reading this. Even though I am bad at replying to texts messages I do appreciate random acts of kindness – not those birthday messages but out of the blue Monday messages to check in. Those are my favourites. Let me know if you can relate because I am sure I am not the only one. Are you a extrovert or a introvert?