Struggles With Mental Health & Blogging Honesty

This week I had a lot planned from sightseeing to be an observant reader but none of that happened when a sudden gush of depressed energy consumed me. Midweek and I am still struggling to find the energy to care. To just care about anything. Have the energy to do things. The most awful thing about depression is that sometimes –I am ashamed to admit it –I wish was physically ill, fiver stricken or the back pain coming on again, not every couple of hours breaking down in tears for no reason at all. Pain so acute that is breaking the heart. Midweek, clutching the empty notebook I wondered, all those hours later how I woke up with the genuine interest to make a to-do list and get on with the day, but rather spend the whole day either staring at the ceiling, gush of tears trickling down or binge-watching. I do feel guilty now that I am assessing my whole day: what have I done all day. Do you know how they say: depression sucks all the joy out of daily activities –it is true. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be productive but the idea of doing anything, brings up the question again and again: what is the point.

For this blog, I have tried to be as honest as I possibly can. Sometimes it takes me by surprise to read my raw emotions displayed all over the internet for people to comment on. It is scary to think you are putting yourself out there like that. Before I have consoled myself with no one will read this after displaying all my struggles with depression/anxiety, now though I do edit, reedit and pressing the delete button a lot before I write anything on here. This may be why the frequency in which I publish blog posts has decreased. Besides all of that, I do write about my struggles and I can see you frown and asking why because a large part of my blog has always been for me, for me to process my emotions through forming concrete sentences. The other part of me writes for those who struggle to put their feelings in words and realize they are not alone.

These are the things I am always focused on whenever I am feeling this way. It is so important to know what matters the most when everything feels so overwhelmed. Caution: this by no means is a formula to feel better straight away from depression rather are reminders that have helped me through my struggling years. This is always written from personal experience.

  • HELP YOURSELF, NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR HEALING
  • DON’T FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT HAVING THE ENERGY TO DO ANYTHING
  • IT’S OKAY TO FEEL SAD
  • KEEP FEEDING THE OPTIMIST IN YOU

11:00 The next day, the lingering sadness remains but the outlook on life is much better. The tired energy is visible as I get on with my chores but there is a motivation to get it done. It is always been like that: a fight with yourself to keep going. To remember there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you find your light within you and consume all the energy that is there to keep puddling on.

12 Comments

  1. I fully understand this. I experience those waves of depression that just leave me with no energy to care for myself or do anything. It is so hard sometimes to see any joy or have the motivation to find any. But just like a wave, it hits hard at first but will lessen in strength. I’m glad you’re here sharing your experiences, it is so very much appreciated (and needed). Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes -exactly the same Molly💕 I guess the more we understand depression and how it operates -we get better at dealing with it!

      Thank you for being so honest🌼 x

      Like

  2. Being honest on a blog is so hard, and I commend you for sharing your vulnerable thoughts with the blogosphere. It’s great that you’re doing this, because you’re helping others not feel so alone. So thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I so get you, sister. I’ve been feeling the onset of depression too – after doing really well for a few months. I feel so tired and I also feel so much body ache without having done anything. 😒
    I just can’t understand why and it has hampered my productivity too but I’m trying to push past it.
    Thank you for those reminders. ♥️
    If you ever need to talk – I’m a mail away. ♥️☺️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Moksha🧡You are the sweetest! With everything that is going on around the world it’s hardly surprising we feel the way we do.

      We can just stick to being kind to one another. And thank you for being kind to me💕 xx

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s